I toe the line between sanity and obsession
Looking back, it was a load of bullshit that she said, and it was a load of bullshit that others said.
For a good one year or so, I believed that because of the way I talk, because of the way I show care, and that telling people things directly were things that I needed to change if I didn’t want to grow old alone. For a good year, I looked at other girls wondering if I could ever be like them.
But then I realised that it wasn’t me, and it wasn’t her. It was just us being ourselves that could never fit together no matter who gave in or stepped aside. I realised that I’m perfectly fine who I am, and there is no reason to be affected by another person who barely knew me. If I have friends that could deal with me for years and still love me, so could she, except that she couldn’t, and that was that. So many friends have told me that I’m fine with who I am then and now, that I have no need to change much just because someone left my life for good.
To H, who couldn’t continue the friendship because you couldn’t accept the way I do things, or my attitude, or whether or not I say “thank you” at all, I will always remember to be myself, and never try to change again to become someone I am not. I still voice out my opinions openly, I speak however I want, and I show gratitude the way I want. At the memory of that short friendship, I say “fuck you” to how you described my moody mornings as morning madness, and fuck everything that we quarrelled over.
It was useless.
Yes, it was. I have not changed, and I have no need to.
I’m happier now, where I am, with people who accepts me and people who know better than to change someone’s personality.
So fuck all of that, and I will never look back again.